Why can’t I say what I want to say?

I did it again. I can’t stop myself, I keep doing it. Doing what this time, you ask. Being a girlie. How? Well, I was having a discussion with my DH yesterday. It’s not important about what, it’s the way I handled it. I didn’t.

What happened was the following:

DH: “It’s blue.”

Me: “No, it’s red. But… it could be purple-ish… couldn’t it?”

Maybe this doesn’t seem like a big issue, but it is.

Why? Because I was being submissive. I stated my opinion, which was on a 90 degrees angle from that of my DH’s, and then backed out, even tried to get his approval by adding the question mark. I tried to soften the blow, conform to his viewpoint. Why?

Why did I act submissive? I knew that I was right. I wasn’t brought up in a country where women need to be submissive, where women are treated as less than men. Was I? In that moment, right after I said ‘No, it’s red’ I felt aggressive, unsupportive, superior even. I instantly regretted I said it, the way I said it. Why?

Why can’t I say what I want to say? Like men do. They do, so why can’t I? Why?

Why, after all these years, do things still need to change…


Author: Jacky Dahlhaus

Paranormal Romance Author

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