Yesterday evening and this morning I had some discussions with my sisters. I had indicated on WhatsApp that there was something wrong and I must admit I was surprised they took the bait. We finally talked. Mind you, ‘talking’ on WhatsApp is a very simplistic form of communication. I always am annoyed that you can only see the last ten words you have typed and have to scroll up to see what you have already typed before. But it was communication nonetheless.
Was it good communication? Hmmm, I don’t think so. Yes, some things were cleared up. Like that my older sister is still upset I didn’t attend the cremation of my ‘brother.’ I put that in between apostrophes as I haven’t seen nor had a conversation with the man in over twenty plus years (apart from the fact that he was the son of my second father and I didn’t hear from him after my parents’ divorce, unless he needed me to take care of his cats). The last time I saw him I hadn’t even recognised him. I thought it would be hypocritical for me to come to his cremation as we were, in all effects, strangers. But my sister was there when he died. She had taken care of him in the previous months and she needed support, which I didn’t give. So I don’t blame her for being upset about that. I still stand by my actions though, but that has more to do with solidarity towards my mother, who also didn’t attend the cremation.
More things were said, about how we all make choices. The sad thing was that they didn’t have a clue why I made the choices I did. And that they probably still don’t. People hear what they want to hear and start pointing the blame finger as soon as somebody suggests something that doesn’t fit up their alley. I don’t say I’m without blame, I could have handled a lot of things different. I’m only human and, heaven’s knows, far from perfect. But like the saying at the top of the blog says; my sisters were listening to reply, not to understand.
The distance in a relationship doesn’t get any closer when you reduce the amount of kilometres between people. I learned that now, the hard way. After about half a year of trying to organise it we finally got together as a family (my mother, my two sisters and myself) a few months ago. I thought it would close the gap. As you can read from my blogs it hasn’t. Today this sprung me as a nice story plot for a new novel. I think I will write it one day. Because, you know… once a writer, always a writer…