Juggling…

I am trying to juggle at the moment. I never was any good at it. I could do it with two balls, sort of, but I never managed three. I knew girls who made it seem so easy, they could even do it with four! I have asked them how they did it, but all I got was ‘just do it.’ Much help that was.

Now I’m trying to juggle with more than I could ever handle. I’m trying to follow these writing courses, to advertise my books, to keep up with FARG entries, to read and write reviews for fellow authors, to write for the local writers’ club, to blog, to keep my Twitter entries interesting, to write my new book, to run the film group I started, and on top of that I need to keep my family taken care of (no, not in the final way).

I think I must be slightly manic-depressive, because I know I’m going to crash soon, experience tells me. I have these moments that I take on so much. I could take on the whole world if they wanted me to! And then there come the moments I come to nothing, when I prefer to stay in bed all day (and sometimes do). Fortunately I have this miracle husband, who never asks, never blames, never points the finger. He just takes me as I am. Frustrating sometimes, I admit, but good in the long run.

I don’t know how other people do it, ‘to stand in the middle of life.’ I don’t know if that’s a typical Dutch expression or not, but what I mean with it is that some people just do, and keep doing. I can’t. Everything is an effort. Usually I only do because there is a deadline. I run out of dishes, I have visitors coming, kids are waiting at school… I bought car wash soap the other day. My car needs washing. But I can’t make myself do it. Just the thought of getting wet horrifies me. I’ve driven past the car wash a couple of times, but it keeps being shut. And there is no deadline, so it will never happen…

When I write I don’t have this problem. Writing is not a chore for me. I don’t need to leave the house, I don’t need to get dressed, and, the best part, I can do what, when, where and how I want in my stories! Nothing is holding me back! It is such a wonderful feeling, it is almost intoxicating! I wished I could be like that in real life, but, alas, I am only me…

2 thoughts on “Juggling…”

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